Hermit Abode

Temptation

Eva — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 04:36:44 +0000

I was recently called “The patron saint of Temptation” by an online acquaintance. As a self-described hedonist, and someone who is generally unable to resist temptation, I approve.

The Gender Issue

Eva — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 11:17:10 +0000

When I set up this blog, I contemplated using initials only and leaving my gender unspecified. I decided against this approach because in discussing my interactions with the outside world, my being female would soon be revealed. My gender is part of my personality and shapes my interactions probably as much as my introversion does. As a terribly shy person, I find that men are more likely to make an effort to engage me in conversation than women. That does not mean that they necessarily see me as a potential target of any kind, I think it just means that they are conditioned to speak to women in a certain way (straight men, anyway). Women are far less likely to put the kind of effort required to break through a painfully shy person’s barriers into their interactions with other women. I remember reading an article once on the topic of how shy people tend to get surrounded by assholes because “normal” people tend not to push themselves onto those of us who set up fairly strict personal boundaries (I wish I could find that article so I could include the link here, but alas … ). As a female shy person, I find that there is a dispropportionate number of men in my social circle (such as it is) much like the disproportionate number of obnoxious people that attempt to interact with me, oblivious to my boundaries which are generally respected by nice people. So, considering that my interactions with the outside world are the topic at hand, gender is a signifant factor and it will not be hidden.

As to why I would prefer my gender to be ambiguous … I am writing these words in public and would prefer to be read as a person rather than as a woman. I consider myself feminist but even in my mind the words “female writer” conjure up images of books that have cute drawings of shoes on the cover, along with a flowery dress and a cocktail glass (for some bizarre reason). Obviously I am well aware that amazing female authors exist and that fluffy, stereotypical writing can be found on both sides of the gender divide. However, if even I have this picture in my mind, the “female writing = fluffy nonsense” idea must be firmly entrenched in western culture. Furthermore, writing on the internet is not at all like writing books. Approximately half of the people reading and writing any kind of online content are presumably female yet there appears to be this very doublesided attitude of both a sort of outdated “boys club” mentality as well as a “yea, yea, you’re female, big deal” attitude in a lot of online communities. (Incidentally, I found this cracked.com article on “the biggest mistakes women make on the internet” to be quite amusing). So, while I believe that gender should be irrelevant, I don’t think it actually is and apparently I care about what people think. I am female and I even quite like shoes, but I don’t want to be lumped with those yellow book covers you see at Barnes & Noble all the time, or with the Stephenie Meyers of the world … Not that I have any Great Ideas or valuable insights to share with the world, I just want to be an individual, I guess.

An Introduction

Eva — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 11:11:09 +0000

I like to write. This statement in no way implies I am any good at writing, only that I derive pleasure from doing it. I have a bookshelf full of personal journals in my living room. The sound and feel of the tip of the pen moving across the paper is physically pleasurable to me, much like eating good food or enjoying a hot cup of tea. Beyond that, the act of writing down one’s thoughts helps order these thoughts and resolve issues; it is how I have come to know myself well. I am a very private person and the idea of writing for an audience is somewhat terrifying, yet at the same time strangely intruiging, hence my online presence here at my virtual hermit abode. I am curious to see how my personal writing might look different when I know it is read by other people. Obviously, these are my very first blog words so I have no actual audience but I am putting these words out here, in public, where they could potentially be read by anyone with an internet connection.

When I went about looking into how to start a blog, I kept coming across the same advice I have heard in the “real world”: Write about what you know. I feel confident in my expertise when it comes to one subject only: Being me. I am many things: an introvert, a shy person, a wanderer, a humanist, a misanthrope, a bit of a hermit and the most socially awkward person I know .. I do not write about what it is like to be any of these things. I do not write in general terms, I do not attempt to define or explain. People with far my knowledge, insight and writing skills have got that area of the blog world covered. All I have to offer is a look at the world from my point of view. How that may or may not be of interest to anyone who is NOT me I can not say.

I find that in my journal writing, a lot of detail goes into descriptions of my interactions with the outside world. That is the topic I intend to discuss on these virtual pages. As an introverted person who is also terribly shy and socially awkward, I tend to replay and over-analyze every encounter and conversation. As a frequent solo traveler, solo diner and coffee shop journal-writer, I spend a lot of time listening to other people’s conversations as well. My understanding of people is in no small part based on what I overhear and what I read in the comments section of news sites and blogs. That is where the misanthropy comes in. At the same time I have, on some level, a kind of naive faith in humankind and a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am very interested in social expectations and cultural constructs and I am often baffled by the things otherwise perfectly reasonable people believe. These are the ideas I will be exploring on these pages.